is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
