Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize