dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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