I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
