Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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