I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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