Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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