I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well you can't waste a boner
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
