not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
