you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
