I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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