Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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