You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can text with my tongue
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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