nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
