Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
there is puke in my bra ... again
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