Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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