forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
