JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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