Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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