how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
