i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
