dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
