Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
