i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
