on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
