I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
