My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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