Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
