found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
