i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
