i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
