why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize