We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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