peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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