I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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