I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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