currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
