1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
