I wish my penis had an off switch
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
