haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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