So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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