It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
