HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
