Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize