I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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