I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
