WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
