he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize