I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize