I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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