two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
