i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
