Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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