Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
