I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize