She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
