Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
