i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
