youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
