so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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