what if every blade of grass was a penis?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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