he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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