What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
