If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
