im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
