I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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