Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
