We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
