Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
