Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
