My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Green mimosas i think yes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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