She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
