i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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