Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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