But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
