It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
