i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize