the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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