Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize