Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
