i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
