"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When did angry sex become our thing?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
