I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
