He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
