Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
